Dear Joy,
Ever since I can remember, I have been repeating over and over again the simple three-word phrase, "I love you." Part of me has hoped that in all your babbling and learning new words and phrases that you'd repeat it back to me. But lately I have been thinking about what exactly it means to love you. If I had to explain it to you the way I point to a cat and say "kitty" or "cat" or some other illustration so you can better understand its meaning, I want to be clear that you are aware of what I mean.
When I say I love you, I mean that I have positive affection toward you. It means also that you bring me joy and I am so thankful that God has blessed me with you in my life. But it is still so much more than all that. "I love you" means I want your happiness and safety and security in life. I want those righteous desires in your heart to be fulfilled. I think of you and act with you in mind. I cherish the memories I have, some of which I know will fade over time, of your firsts and demonstrations of your personality. I delight in you. I care for you. I pray for you. I serve you. I cater to you. You brighten my life and give me a purpose and meaning I didn't have before I met you. Each day on this earth with you is a wonderful gift from above. Nothing you say or do could take my love away from you. Nothing. Even when you make mistakes, big or small, I will still love you. I will still be your mother. I will never turn my back on you. I will never regret time spent with you. I will continue to smile fondly as I think of you and how great it is to get to know you.
So when I say, "I love you," know that it's not just some word. It's not just some sentiment of positive regard from me toward you. It is how I feel about you that shapes how I think about you and pray for you and hope and dream with and for you. It is about who you are just as you are, even though I know I don't really know you yet. It is not contingent upon you acting, looking, feeling, or thinking a certain way; achieving a certain goal or being anyone other than the person you are and will be at each and every step of the way, through good times and bad, through laughter and tears, through thick and thin. YOU. I love you.
Always and forever,
Mom
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Happy birthday!
Dearest Joy,
This past year my life has changed in more ways than I could have ever possibly imagined it would. I have laughed a lot at things I never would have thought I'd laugh at before. I have rediscovered the innocence of youth and joys of life as seen through your eyes. I have felt my heart ache when you have been sick and inconsolable. I have cried with you and over you and prayed for you. I have watched you sleep. I have taken more pictures of you than any other subject in my entire life. I have watched you grow, celebrating with you as you first rolled over, first sat up on your own, first crawled, first pulled yourself up to stand, first walked along furniture, and took your first steps. I have also taken note of your likes and dislikes and all your personality quirks.
You're now 18 pounds and have 3 teeth (one on the bottom and 2 on the top, all on the right side). You're walking everywhere, and you like to throw your arms up (as though you're declaring a field goal attempt was good) frequently. You love the cats, especially Ashley, and try to show them your love by grabbing them (Ashley is the only one who usually lets you get near her). You follow me into and around the kitchen, often standing right behind me without me noticing, and sometimes getting knocked over as a result. You love pulling your toys out of your cupboard and playing games with me, but you also love hurrying over to see Dad walk through the front door, greeting him with anticipation.
I love you so much and look forward to getting to know more about you!
Love,
Mommy
This past year my life has changed in more ways than I could have ever possibly imagined it would. I have laughed a lot at things I never would have thought I'd laugh at before. I have rediscovered the innocence of youth and joys of life as seen through your eyes. I have felt my heart ache when you have been sick and inconsolable. I have cried with you and over you and prayed for you. I have watched you sleep. I have taken more pictures of you than any other subject in my entire life. I have watched you grow, celebrating with you as you first rolled over, first sat up on your own, first crawled, first pulled yourself up to stand, first walked along furniture, and took your first steps. I have also taken note of your likes and dislikes and all your personality quirks.
You're now 18 pounds and have 3 teeth (one on the bottom and 2 on the top, all on the right side). You're walking everywhere, and you like to throw your arms up (as though you're declaring a field goal attempt was good) frequently. You love the cats, especially Ashley, and try to show them your love by grabbing them (Ashley is the only one who usually lets you get near her). You follow me into and around the kitchen, often standing right behind me without me noticing, and sometimes getting knocked over as a result. You love pulling your toys out of your cupboard and playing games with me, but you also love hurrying over to see Dad walk through the front door, greeting him with anticipation.
I love you so much and look forward to getting to know more about you!
Love,
Mommy
 |
| Enjoying your birthday owl cupcake |
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Walking
Dearest Joy,
It has been far too long since I've written. I am so busy chasing you around these days that I barely have time to think. Once your wonderful father comes home from work, he lets me take a much needed break so I can shower and eat and relax a bit. But because I am playing with you so much, I've been neglecting writing letters to you.
I enjoy watching your personality continue to emerge. Through you I see the world with new eyes, once again enjoying things I did when I was younger. So many things make you smile and laugh. And I'm glad to see that smile and that laugh emerge. It's also nice to see your first tooth preparing to emerge!
You are just learning to walk, and while I'm proud of your new accomplishment, I admit I was secretly hoping you might wait until 12 months or longer to start. Luckily, you aren't yet getting into anything more than you have been since you started crawling. And crawling still is your favorite mode of transportation.
Some of your favorites: You love theme songs for TV shows that play in the background. I turn on reruns of What I Like About You, and you stop whatever you are doing to look at the TV while the theme song plays, returning to whatever you were doing as soon as it ends. You also enjoy the cheering on The Price is Right, especially at the beginning when the first 4 contestants' names are called. You enjoy watching bits and pieces of TV shows for kids, especially Sesame Street (and Elmo's World seems to be your favorite part about that show).
Watching you make noises with your mouth is very amusing. In fact, you're lying down right now moving your empty bottle rapidly to the right and left while blubbering. You usually do this with your tongue. You enjoy staring at my mouth as I make various noises with my mouth and fingers. Sometimes you even stick your fingers in my mouth to make the noises with my mouth and laugh.
Well, I think you want some more milk instead of just this empty bottle, so I must be going. But know that even though playing with you is exhausting, I do love spending time with you, and I love you so much!
Love,
Mom
It has been far too long since I've written. I am so busy chasing you around these days that I barely have time to think. Once your wonderful father comes home from work, he lets me take a much needed break so I can shower and eat and relax a bit. But because I am playing with you so much, I've been neglecting writing letters to you.
I enjoy watching your personality continue to emerge. Through you I see the world with new eyes, once again enjoying things I did when I was younger. So many things make you smile and laugh. And I'm glad to see that smile and that laugh emerge. It's also nice to see your first tooth preparing to emerge!
You are just learning to walk, and while I'm proud of your new accomplishment, I admit I was secretly hoping you might wait until 12 months or longer to start. Luckily, you aren't yet getting into anything more than you have been since you started crawling. And crawling still is your favorite mode of transportation.
Some of your favorites: You love theme songs for TV shows that play in the background. I turn on reruns of What I Like About You, and you stop whatever you are doing to look at the TV while the theme song plays, returning to whatever you were doing as soon as it ends. You also enjoy the cheering on The Price is Right, especially at the beginning when the first 4 contestants' names are called. You enjoy watching bits and pieces of TV shows for kids, especially Sesame Street (and Elmo's World seems to be your favorite part about that show).
Watching you make noises with your mouth is very amusing. In fact, you're lying down right now moving your empty bottle rapidly to the right and left while blubbering. You usually do this with your tongue. You enjoy staring at my mouth as I make various noises with my mouth and fingers. Sometimes you even stick your fingers in my mouth to make the noises with my mouth and laugh.
Well, I think you want some more milk instead of just this empty bottle, so I must be going. But know that even though playing with you is exhausting, I do love spending time with you, and I love you so much!
Love,
Mom
Friday, September 16, 2011
Falling down and getting (back) up
Dear Joy,
I am feeling a bit conflicted. I have cheered you on as I've seen you pull yourself up to standing the past few days. You can do it in your Pack 'n Play, and you can do it on the couch. Sometimes you use a blanket to help pull yourself up, and sometimes you use my pant legs. But I can tell this isn't enough to satisfy you for very long. You want to be able to get wherever you want to go whenever you want to get there. You want to be UP on the couch and not just looking at the tops of the cushions. You want to be OUT of the Pack 'n Play and not just looking up over the sides of it.
That time will come soon enough. Too soon, probably, if you ask me.
But what is very hard for me is allowing you to fall down. Sometimes I catch some teetering before you fall. I know you won't seriously hurt yourself, and I know you need to learn. But I also know you get so frustrated and rattled that you cry almost every single time. And yet, I let you continue to do it. Please forgive me for this. It really is for your own good.
I know as you grow, I will not always be there for you to try to stop you from falling, literally or figuratively. I also won't always be there to help pick you back up after you fall. I know that sometimes it's best for you to learn rather than having me protect you. I do want to protect you all the time, but I won't because I want you to be able to make choices that are good for you on your own instead of feeling like I'm controlling you or trying to keep you in a bubble.
I will, however, always care for you. I will always want you to continue to grow and develop. And when you fall down, like you do now, I want you to keep getting back up. If you reach for my hand to help you back up, know that it will be there.
Love,
Mom
I am feeling a bit conflicted. I have cheered you on as I've seen you pull yourself up to standing the past few days. You can do it in your Pack 'n Play, and you can do it on the couch. Sometimes you use a blanket to help pull yourself up, and sometimes you use my pant legs. But I can tell this isn't enough to satisfy you for very long. You want to be able to get wherever you want to go whenever you want to get there. You want to be UP on the couch and not just looking at the tops of the cushions. You want to be OUT of the Pack 'n Play and not just looking up over the sides of it.
That time will come soon enough. Too soon, probably, if you ask me.
But what is very hard for me is allowing you to fall down. Sometimes I catch some teetering before you fall. I know you won't seriously hurt yourself, and I know you need to learn. But I also know you get so frustrated and rattled that you cry almost every single time. And yet, I let you continue to do it. Please forgive me for this. It really is for your own good.
I know as you grow, I will not always be there for you to try to stop you from falling, literally or figuratively. I also won't always be there to help pick you back up after you fall. I know that sometimes it's best for you to learn rather than having me protect you. I do want to protect you all the time, but I won't because I want you to be able to make choices that are good for you on your own instead of feeling like I'm controlling you or trying to keep you in a bubble.
I will, however, always care for you. I will always want you to continue to grow and develop. And when you fall down, like you do now, I want you to keep getting back up. If you reach for my hand to help you back up, know that it will be there.
Love,
Mom
Friday, September 9, 2011
Slow down!
Dear Joy,
I realize I called you an easy baby in your last letter, and for that I apologize. Clearly, you are not. True, there are some things about your personality that are easy-going, and you are easy for me to deal with in some ways, but I know you need and want a lot of attention. It's not easy. I have learned my lesson.
I love that you sleep 8 or more hours in a row before waking up most nights. Then after I feed you 4-6 ounces of milk, you fall back asleep for up to 2 more hours, give or take, before deciding you're ready to get up for the day. Really, I don't want that to change. I do admittedly wish you'd take naps longer than 30 minutes at a time (at least they're not just 20 minutes like they used to be!), but I will take what I can get!
I can't believe just how quickly you're growing up! You're not even 7 months old yet, and you are doing things I'm not ready for you to do! I was content that you weren't rolling over. Then I was content that you were only rolling over from your back to your stomach (except that you'd start crying when you got onto your stomach because you HATED being on your stomach, and I'd have to flip you back onto your back, only for you to roll back onto your stomach seconds later). Then I remember cheering with your daddy when you rolled from your stomach to your back for the first time. That seems like it wasn't that long ago. Even more recently, you started army crawling and I was floored you were able to do that before hitting 6 months. I DEFINITELY was not (and still am not) ready for that! Shortly afterward came sitting on your own. It was like you weren't able to for even a second to all of a sudden being able to do it for a decent length of time before falling over overnight!
So I have kept my eyes on you more closely. You entertain me army-crawling from the family room to the kitchen to the entry way before coming back or before I go pick you up and carry you back. I smile, amused, as you follow the cats' movements with your eyes and try to catch them by crawling to them, only to have them move away out of your grasp. And then you're army-crawling after them, and it's so cute to watch. You don't get as frustrated at their leaving you in the dust nearly as quickly or frequently as I'd think you would.
And as I have been watching you, I've seen you start getting up on your hands and knees. There has been some rocking back and forth, but what has most impressed me is that you seem to realize that you can go from that position to sitting, and you're teaching yourself to do that. It seems like you will have that completely figured out any day. Recently, you have also moved an arm and leg forward a step or two while on all fours before going back to army-crawling, which is amazing and frightening! As if army-crawling wasn't bad enough, you want to start crawling on all fours!
Just today, I had surgery and left you in the care of my Aunt Fay, who you will know as Mimi. She reported to your daddy when he picked you up that you WERE crawling on all fours, and not just a little bit! We were amazed. We set you down on the floor to see for ourselves, and, sure enough, you did it! Holy cow!
There's also some of that "I-can't-believe-she's-doing-this" feeling as I watch you grasp at something to try to pull yourself up to standing. I haven't seen you quite make it from the floor to standing by pulling yourself up yet, and seeing you fall as you attempt to do so and then cry because you're hurt, frustrated, or a little of both saddens me. However, I know you have enjoyed standing with assistance ever since you were quite young. Your daddy and I have been amazed at how strong your little legs seem to be. We've never pushed you to stand, but you do so happily and frequently, and often fight sitting when that's what we would like you to do because you want to stand instead. So it shouldn't have come as a surprise to hear that you pulled yourself up to standing while at Mimi's house today too!
I'm so not ready for how quickly you're growing up! Please slow down!
Love,
Mommy
I realize I called you an easy baby in your last letter, and for that I apologize. Clearly, you are not. True, there are some things about your personality that are easy-going, and you are easy for me to deal with in some ways, but I know you need and want a lot of attention. It's not easy. I have learned my lesson.
I love that you sleep 8 or more hours in a row before waking up most nights. Then after I feed you 4-6 ounces of milk, you fall back asleep for up to 2 more hours, give or take, before deciding you're ready to get up for the day. Really, I don't want that to change. I do admittedly wish you'd take naps longer than 30 minutes at a time (at least they're not just 20 minutes like they used to be!), but I will take what I can get!
I can't believe just how quickly you're growing up! You're not even 7 months old yet, and you are doing things I'm not ready for you to do! I was content that you weren't rolling over. Then I was content that you were only rolling over from your back to your stomach (except that you'd start crying when you got onto your stomach because you HATED being on your stomach, and I'd have to flip you back onto your back, only for you to roll back onto your stomach seconds later). Then I remember cheering with your daddy when you rolled from your stomach to your back for the first time. That seems like it wasn't that long ago. Even more recently, you started army crawling and I was floored you were able to do that before hitting 6 months. I DEFINITELY was not (and still am not) ready for that! Shortly afterward came sitting on your own. It was like you weren't able to for even a second to all of a sudden being able to do it for a decent length of time before falling over overnight!
So I have kept my eyes on you more closely. You entertain me army-crawling from the family room to the kitchen to the entry way before coming back or before I go pick you up and carry you back. I smile, amused, as you follow the cats' movements with your eyes and try to catch them by crawling to them, only to have them move away out of your grasp. And then you're army-crawling after them, and it's so cute to watch. You don't get as frustrated at their leaving you in the dust nearly as quickly or frequently as I'd think you would.
And as I have been watching you, I've seen you start getting up on your hands and knees. There has been some rocking back and forth, but what has most impressed me is that you seem to realize that you can go from that position to sitting, and you're teaching yourself to do that. It seems like you will have that completely figured out any day. Recently, you have also moved an arm and leg forward a step or two while on all fours before going back to army-crawling, which is amazing and frightening! As if army-crawling wasn't bad enough, you want to start crawling on all fours!
Just today, I had surgery and left you in the care of my Aunt Fay, who you will know as Mimi. She reported to your daddy when he picked you up that you WERE crawling on all fours, and not just a little bit! We were amazed. We set you down on the floor to see for ourselves, and, sure enough, you did it! Holy cow!
There's also some of that "I-can't-believe-she's-doing-this" feeling as I watch you grasp at something to try to pull yourself up to standing. I haven't seen you quite make it from the floor to standing by pulling yourself up yet, and seeing you fall as you attempt to do so and then cry because you're hurt, frustrated, or a little of both saddens me. However, I know you have enjoyed standing with assistance ever since you were quite young. Your daddy and I have been amazed at how strong your little legs seem to be. We've never pushed you to stand, but you do so happily and frequently, and often fight sitting when that's what we would like you to do because you want to stand instead. So it shouldn't have come as a surprise to hear that you pulled yourself up to standing while at Mimi's house today too!
I'm so not ready for how quickly you're growing up! Please slow down!
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Bath time
Dear Joy,
I am so grateful that you're an easy baby! I don't want to jinx myself by saying it, but I really do enjoy you most of the time. Sure, you have those moments when you try my patience, but I know you just need something. When you get what you need, you stop fussing or crying and go back to being a cooperative baby.
I know you enjoy baths. I appreciate that you are cooperative as you sit in your Puj tub in the sink, the water at times distracting you as it runs to help keep you warm while I clean you. So why is it that you couldn't stay happy for a few more minutes as I snapped your picture so I could remember how adorable you were wrapped up in your towel?
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Oh well! Even between your pouts and bouts of crying, you are still adorable.
I love you,
Mom
I am so grateful that you're an easy baby! I don't want to jinx myself by saying it, but I really do enjoy you most of the time. Sure, you have those moments when you try my patience, but I know you just need something. When you get what you need, you stop fussing or crying and go back to being a cooperative baby.
I know you enjoy baths. I appreciate that you are cooperative as you sit in your Puj tub in the sink, the water at times distracting you as it runs to help keep you warm while I clean you. So why is it that you couldn't stay happy for a few more minutes as I snapped your picture so I could remember how adorable you were wrapped up in your towel?
Oh well! Even between your pouts and bouts of crying, you are still adorable.
I love you,
Mom
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