Saturday, January 25, 2014

It's a bird... it's a plane...

Dear Joy/Joyzers/Doodle Bop/Toodles/Sweetheart/Darling,

I have so many names for you lately. You have so many for yourself. I called you a princess several days ago, and you insisted you are NOT a princess. I then went through a list of pet names for you. You shot them all down. Not a princess. Not a cheerleader (something you had agreed you were just a day or two before). Not my sunshine. Not my darling. Not my sweetheart. So many things you sometimes are, that day you were not. Jokingly, I asked if you were a penguin. That was the first thing I'd thrown out you agreed with. Joy Penguin you became and insisted I call you all day long. You've even brought it up a few days since. The other day, you were Cheerleader Joy Penguin the Super Hero. Quite a lot of responsibility you heaped on your own shoulders with that one!

You bring so much light and laughter into my life. I love experiencing the world anew through your eyes. Your imagination has added sparks to my own. I like your world.

Sometimes I wish I could give you more. I wish I could be more. I wish I could give you the world. But you, wisely, know that the world is already yours. Everything good about it is at your fingertips. And you, wisely, leave all that is undesirable behind. The simplicity with which you live and the focus you give to fun, laughter, and enjoyment remind me of what is important. This is something I need to remember and cling to when life gets tough.

I love you, Joy Penguin!
Mom

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Such a joy

My dearest Joy,

You are such a joy these days when you're not throwing tantrums. Watching you get so excited about letters and numbers that you randomly identify very loudly brings a smile to my face every time. Even today, when you found a K in the hymnal and shouted it out loud at the beginning of church while the rest of the room was quiet, causing several people to giggle and my face to flush, and then repeated it moments later, it is adorable.

I also love hearing you "sing" or "read" to yourself. In fact, I wanted to listen so much that I turned off a football game I had been looking forward to watching all week long so I could listen to you. I laughed as I listened to you, unable to make out one word of what you were so passionately saying.

You love to hug your stuffed animals and even ask me to hug them sometimes too. And as you give hugs, you like to say, "Ohhhhh!" and move to the right and left quickly, as though rocking them.

Your favorite thing right now seems to be chasing our cat Sandy around. You will ask, "Kitty cat, where are you?" or ask me where Sandy is. But most of the time, you can be found running after her and giggling. You like to let me know she's silly or funny or you're silly or funny. I love it.

I love watching you learning more and proudly sharing your knowledge. I am trying to enjoy every moment with you, knowing that you are growing so quickly and becoming more and more independent.

Don't grow up too fast.

Love,
Mommy

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Prayers

Dearest Joy,

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough to teach you the things that are important. I mean, I know you love watching Pingu and Sesame Street and other shows on TV, but that takes time away from my teaching you. I want to be sure you know that I know my Redeemer lives. He loves me. He loves you. I have had some really tough times in my life, and yet through those times, I have never been alone. Whenever I've remembered that I should pray for help and support, I have received it. I have countless stories I could tell of little miracles in my life and of various people answering my prayers without knowing that was exactly what they were doing.

I know it's hard for you to learn how to be still and quiet when you should be. I appreciate the effort you put forth to do so during prayers, especially around other people at church. One of these days soon, you will want to be saying your own prayers, and I will be happy to help you do that.

Just today, I warmed up some leftovers in the microwave for lunch, not thinking you'd want more than a bite here and there because you'd recently eaten. But when you followed me to the kitchen table to eat and climbed up on a chair by me, I was reminded that I needed to say a blessing on the food to show my thankfulness for it. So I did, and you obliged by folding your arms. And this time, you even closed your eyes tight, which I saw before I closed my own to start the prayer. Then I started eating, giving you a small bite here & there between my bites. But I guess I wasn't fast enough for you, so you figured maybe you needed to pray first before eating. You folded your little arms, bowed your head, closed your eyes, whispered, and then cheerfully called out, "AMEN!" to let me know you were ready to eat.

Then I got a text from Daddy and had to share this story with him before I forgot, because it is so precious. As I was doing so, you repeated the process two more times. Praying helped you get what you wanted the first time, so you were confident that it would help again!

At times like this, I think that I must be doing something right, because you are learning of the power of prayer. You are learning gratitude and humbleness and to turn to God.

I am so proud of you.

I love you.

Mom

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

What you're up to these days

My little Monkey,

You are growing so quickly! I can't believe how much you can do! Hearing you counting to 5, and helping me count to 10, is amazing. Now that it's fall, there are pumpkins everywhere. You love saying apple and keep calling the pumpkins apples until I correct you. The other day, you even started saying your own name. Although, instead of sounding like Joy, it sounds a little more like "Doy" sometimes. And your attempts at saying your last name are adorable.

You love Sesame Street and pretty much everything related to it. You have plush characters of Ernie, Cookie Monster, Elmo, Big Bird, and Abby. Sometimes I will hear you in your crib calling for one or more of them. And you recently even shocked me by saying Dorothy (Elmo's goldfish) quite clearly.

Enoch still wishes that you said his name. I think I may have heard it once or twice, but you refuse to even attempt to say it whenever he asks. You'll say many other names, including Debra and Joseph and Grandma and Grandpa, but you are frustrating him. He is really good to you, letting you play the piano with him and otherwise entertaining you. So, if you could do me a little favor and say his name for him, that'd be great.

Oh, and while you're at it, please give me a break with the swing. I know you love it. I know you want to swing pretty much all the time when we're outside or even near the door or you see it in the window, but there are so many other fun things we could do! And, when we do swing, could you please not freak out every time I take you out of the swing? I mean, how long do you think you need to swing anyway? I know you want to do it all day, but sometimes you get a little cold, and I get tired of pushing you and have things to do. I simply can't do it all day!

I'm hoping you will start getting some more teeth one of these days soon. You still only have 10 teeth, with 2 in the bottom middle, and it makes it hard for you to take bites sometimes. I'm also starting to worry. Not that there's anything you can do about it, but it has been months since any teeth have come in, and I'm kind of worrying now. So I will be worrying less when they finally do come in. But please don't use them to bite me or anyone else (like I've seen you attempt a couple times).

Love you, my climbing monkey,
Mom

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Not just love

Dear Joy,

Ever since I can remember, I have been repeating over and over again the simple three-word phrase, "I love you." Part of me has hoped that in all your babbling and learning new words and phrases that you'd repeat it back to me. But lately I have been thinking about what exactly it means to love you. If I had to explain it to you the way I point to a cat and say "kitty" or "cat" or some other illustration so you can better understand its meaning, I want to be clear that you are aware of what I mean.

When I say I love you, I mean that I have positive affection toward you. It means also that you bring me joy and I am so thankful that God has blessed me with you in my life. But it is still so much more than all that. "I love you" means I want your happiness and safety and security in life. I want those righteous desires in your heart to be fulfilled. I think of you and act with you in mind. I cherish the memories I have, some of which I know will fade over time, of your firsts and demonstrations of your personality. I delight in you. I care for you. I pray for you. I serve you. I cater to you. You brighten my life and give me a purpose and meaning I didn't have before I met you. Each day on this earth with you is a wonderful gift from above. Nothing you say or do could take my love away from you. Nothing. Even when you make mistakes, big or small, I will still love you. I will still be your mother. I will never turn my back on you. I will never regret time spent with you. I will continue to smile fondly as I think of you and how great it is to get to know you.

So when I say, "I love you," know that it's not just some word. It's not just some sentiment of positive regard from me toward you. It is how I feel about you that shapes how I think about you and pray for you and hope and dream with and for you. It is about who you are just as you are, even though I know I don't really know you yet. It is not contingent upon you acting, looking, feeling, or thinking a certain way; achieving a certain goal or being anyone other than the person you are and will be at each and every step of the way, through good times and bad, through laughter and tears, through thick and thin. YOU. I love you.

Always and forever,
Mom

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Happy birthday!

Dearest Joy,

This past year my life has changed in more ways than I could have ever possibly imagined it would. I have laughed a lot at things I never would have thought I'd laugh at before. I have rediscovered the innocence of youth and joys of life as seen through your eyes. I have felt my heart ache when you have been sick and inconsolable. I have cried with you and over you and prayed for you. I have watched you sleep. I have taken more pictures of you than any other subject in my entire life. I have watched you grow, celebrating with you as you first rolled over, first sat up on your own, first crawled, first pulled yourself up to stand, first walked along furniture, and took your first steps. I have also taken note of your likes and dislikes and all your personality quirks.

You're now 18 pounds and have 3 teeth (one on the bottom and 2 on the top, all on the right side). You're walking everywhere, and you like to throw your arms up (as though you're declaring a field goal attempt was good) frequently. You love the cats, especially Ashley, and try to show them your love by grabbing them (Ashley is the only one who usually lets you get near her). You follow me into and around the kitchen, often standing right behind me without me noticing, and sometimes getting knocked over as a result. You love pulling your toys out of your cupboard and playing games with me, but you also love hurrying over to see Dad walk through the front door, greeting him with anticipation.

I love you so much and look forward to getting to know more about you!

Love,
Mommy

Enjoying your birthday owl cupcake

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Walking

Dearest Joy,

It has been far too long since I've written. I am so busy chasing you around these days that I barely have time to think. Once your wonderful father comes home from work, he lets me take a much needed break so I can shower and eat and relax a bit. But because I am playing with you so much, I've been neglecting writing letters to you.

I enjoy watching your personality continue to emerge. Through you I see the world with new eyes, once again enjoying things I did when I was younger. So many things make you smile and laugh. And I'm glad to see that smile and that laugh emerge. It's also nice to see your first tooth preparing to emerge!

You are just learning to walk, and while I'm proud of your new accomplishment, I admit I was secretly hoping you might wait until 12 months or longer to start. Luckily, you aren't yet getting into anything more than you have been since you started crawling. And crawling still is your favorite mode of transportation.

Some of your favorites: You love theme songs for TV shows that play in the background. I turn on reruns of What I Like About You, and you stop whatever you are doing to look at the TV while the theme song plays, returning to whatever you were doing as soon as it ends. You also enjoy the cheering on The Price is Right, especially at the beginning when the first 4 contestants' names are called. You enjoy watching bits and pieces of TV shows for kids, especially Sesame Street (and Elmo's World seems to be your favorite part about that show).

Watching you make noises with your mouth is very amusing. In fact, you're lying down right now moving your empty bottle rapidly to the right and left while blubbering. You usually do this with your tongue. You enjoy staring at my mouth as I make various noises with my mouth and fingers. Sometimes you even stick your fingers in my mouth to make the noises with my mouth and laugh.

Well, I think you want some more milk instead of just this empty bottle, so I must be going. But know that even though playing with you is exhausting, I do love spending time with you, and I love you so much!

Love,
Mom

Friday, September 16, 2011

Falling down and getting (back) up

Dear Joy,

I am feeling a bit conflicted. I have cheered you on as I've seen you pull yourself up to standing the past few days. You can do it in your Pack 'n Play, and you can do it on the couch. Sometimes you use a blanket to help pull yourself up, and sometimes you use my pant legs. But I can tell this isn't enough to satisfy you for very long. You want to be able to get wherever you want to go whenever you want to get there. You want to be UP on the couch and not just looking at the tops of the cushions. You want to be OUT of the Pack 'n Play and not just looking up over the sides of it.

That time will come soon enough. Too soon, probably, if you ask me.

But what is very hard for me is allowing you to fall down. Sometimes I catch some teetering before you fall. I know you won't seriously hurt yourself, and I know you need to learn. But I also know you get so frustrated and rattled that you cry almost every single time. And yet, I let you continue to do it. Please forgive me for this. It really is for your own good.

I know as you grow, I will not always be there for you to try to stop you from falling, literally or figuratively. I also won't always be there to help pick you back up after you fall. I know that sometimes it's best for you to learn rather than having me protect you. I do want to protect you all the time, but I won't because I want you to be able to make choices that are good for you on your own instead of feeling like I'm controlling you or trying to keep you in a bubble.

I will, however, always care for you. I will always want you to continue to grow and develop. And when you fall down, like you do now, I want you to keep getting back up. If you reach for my hand to help you back up, know that it will be there.

Love,
Mom

Friday, September 9, 2011

Slow down!

Dear Joy,

I realize I called you an easy baby in your last letter, and for that I apologize. Clearly, you are not. True, there are some things about your personality that are easy-going, and you are easy for me to deal with in some ways, but I know you need and want a lot of attention. It's not easy. I have learned my lesson.

I love that you sleep 8 or more hours in a row before waking up most nights. Then after I feed you 4-6 ounces of milk, you fall back asleep for up to 2 more hours, give or take, before deciding you're ready to get up for the day. Really, I don't want that to change. I do admittedly wish you'd take naps longer than 30 minutes at a time (at least they're not just 20 minutes like they used to be!), but I will take what I can get!

I can't believe just how quickly you're growing up! You're not even 7 months old yet, and you are doing things I'm not ready for you to do! I was content that you weren't rolling over. Then I was content that you were only rolling over from your back to your stomach (except that you'd start crying when you got onto your stomach because you HATED being on your stomach, and I'd have to flip you back onto your back, only for you to roll back onto your stomach seconds later). Then I remember cheering with your daddy when you rolled from your stomach to your back for the first time. That seems like it wasn't that long ago. Even more recently, you started army crawling and I was floored you were able to do that before hitting 6 months. I DEFINITELY was not (and still am not) ready for that! Shortly afterward came sitting on your own. It was like you weren't able to for even a second to all of a sudden being able to do it for a decent length of time before falling over overnight!

So I have kept my eyes on you more closely. You entertain me army-crawling from the family room to the kitchen to the entry way before coming back or before I go pick you up and carry you back. I smile, amused, as you follow the cats' movements with your eyes and try to catch them by crawling to them, only to have them move away out of your grasp. And then you're army-crawling after them, and it's so cute to watch. You don't get as frustrated at their leaving you in the dust nearly as quickly or frequently as I'd think you would.

And as I have been watching you, I've seen you start getting up on your hands and knees. There has been some rocking back and forth, but what has most impressed me is that you seem to realize that you can go from that position to sitting, and you're teaching yourself to do that. It seems like you will have that completely figured out any day. Recently, you have also moved an arm and leg forward a step or two while on all fours before going back to army-crawling, which is amazing and frightening! As if army-crawling wasn't bad enough, you want to start crawling on all fours!

Just today, I had surgery and left you in the care of my Aunt Fay, who you will know as Mimi. She reported to your daddy when he picked you up that you WERE crawling on all fours, and not just a little bit! We were amazed. We set you down on the floor to see for ourselves, and, sure enough, you did it! Holy cow!

There's also some of that "I-can't-believe-she's-doing-this" feeling as I watch you grasp at something to try to pull yourself up to standing. I haven't seen you quite make it from the floor to standing by pulling yourself up yet, and seeing you fall as you attempt to do so and then cry because you're hurt, frustrated, or a little of both saddens me. However, I know you have enjoyed standing with assistance ever since you were quite young. Your daddy and I have been amazed at how strong your little legs seem to be. We've never pushed you to stand, but you do so happily and frequently, and often fight sitting when that's what we would like you to do because you want to stand instead. So it shouldn't have come as a surprise to hear that you pulled yourself up to standing while at Mimi's house today too!

I'm so not ready for how quickly you're growing up! Please slow down!

Love,
Mommy

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Bath time

Dear Joy,

I am so grateful that you're an easy baby! I don't want to jinx myself by saying it, but I really do enjoy you most of the time. Sure, you have those moments when you try my patience, but I know you just need something. When you get what you need, you stop fussing or crying and go back to being a cooperative baby.

I know you enjoy baths. I appreciate that you are cooperative as you sit in your Puj tub in the sink, the water at times distracting you as it runs to help keep you warm while I clean you. So why is it that you couldn't stay happy for a few more minutes as I snapped your picture so I could remember how adorable you were wrapped up in your towel?




Oh well! Even between your pouts and bouts of crying, you are still adorable.

I love you,
Mom